Allen Berger, Ph.D.

Psychologist and Author of 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery

In this article I want to discuss how our culture sets us up for becoming an addict. Before I do it’s important to realize we are all in a trance. We are hypnotized by our culture. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it just is the way things are. It happens in every culture, It has to.

Culture is transmitted through the family. Parents teach children their culture’s world view. This world view is like a filter, it defines what is real and what isn’t, it proscribes what is appropriate behavior and what isn’t, it dictates how we should be and what we should feel. It defines everything about our existence. The way this is taught is unique to each family because it is woven into the fabric of our family’s history.

The most important thing to realize about our culture is that it is focused on “having.” Our culture is based on capitalism. Capitalism needs consumers. We are hypnotized into believing that our self-worth is based on what we have, rather than on who we are. We measure success with the amount of material things we possess like money, homes, cars, and adult toys, not our character. I’m sure you heard that quote, “He who finishes with the most toys wins.”

This obsession with “having” infects how we interact with our self and others too. We end up treating ourselves and others as objects and/or possessions. We become obsessed with how marketable we are. Women are typically treated and also treat themselves like sex objects, while men are usually treated and also treat themselves like success objects. What makes a man successful in his job makes it nearly impossible for him to have a warm and loving intimate relationship. A woman who treats herself as an object cannot be intimate because she is concerned about her image, not who she is.

More is better isn’t it. That’s what we learn in our culture. In fact we become addicted to more. I’m certain you’ve heard addiction described as the experience where “one is too much and a thousand isn’t enough.” Unfortunately this applies to nearly everything in our lives. We are rarely satisfied with what we have and even more dissatisfied with who we are.

We are obsessed with becoming something we are not. True self-esteem is rare, we just don’t feel good enough which is crazy because we aren’t even certain of what it means to be good enough. Our concept of who we should be is corrupted by our notions of who we think we should be. Women spend billions of dollars on plastic surgery to have the “perfect body.” Men are also visiting the plastic surgeon more than ever before.

It’s all about more, more and more. We spend millions of dollars on the latest exercise equipment so we can become more attractive and have a better body. Unfortunately most of it is gathering dust underneath our beds or in our garages. We pursue schemes to get rich so we can buy more things and have more money which, in some magical way, will make us feel more secure. Men become workaholics because they are obsessed with having more and being more successful. We turn into humans, doing and performing, rather than humans, being (sic). What a tragedy.

Another nonsense is that life should be easy and gratification instantaneous. We become obssessed with finding the easier, softer way and we want instant results. Well, life isn’t easy and most worthwhile things don’t come easy. But nobody tells us that. Instead we are bombarded with messages that tell us to take a magical pill and your headache will immediately disappear. There is no need to figure out a better way to handle your stress. If you are depressed take an antidepressant and that will make you feel better. No need to figure out what you are doing that makes you depressed. We buy weight loss medication on TV that promises to help us lose weight while we sleep, so there is no need to spend hours in the gym. It’s easy.

When we turn to drugs including alcohol they really work. I mean really work, instantaneously we feel better. We are sexier, more fun, more comfortable, more relaxed, more spontaneous. We are free from our fears and concerns. We are free from the false self that develops in this insane culture. I had a friend say that he didn’t know if he was born an alcoholic but the moment he took his first drink he knew that an alcoholic was born. We are set up by all of this nonsense to become addicted. We become addicted to drugs including alcohol, to sex, to gambling, to compulsive overeating or restricting. We become addicted to dramas, to spending money. We become addicted to more.

I may sound paranoid but I do believe that there is a cultural conspiracy that undermines the development of our true, spiritual self. We are encouraged to abandon our true self and become an idealized self riddled with our culture’s prescription of who we should be.

Let’s also consider looking at addiction from a different perspective. The fact that we aren’t satisfied with our false self solution, that we become dis-eased, means that something is right about us, not that something is wrong with us. Jung described the alcoholic as having a “spiritual thirst.” It is our spiritual self that constantly reaches out, cries out to be actualized. It is like an alarm that will continue to ring despite the number of times we hit snooze. So it’s what is right about us that doesn’t allow us to completely abandon ourselves to the nonsense in our culture. This is not a culture based on wisdom. Recovery however is based on wisdom.

Recovery helps us find our lost, true self. It helps us reconnect with who we really are. Recovery is about “being” not “having.” It’s an incredible journey that begins with shattering our false self. This opens the door to discovering a spiritual solution to our dilemma.

Dr. Berger may be contacted at: