the problem with revealing my life…
Aug 26, 08- (by Etta)
- 7 responses
- Sober Salon
the problem with revealing my life to all of you
is when things go badly,
i must reveal that too.
i had a date.
the date went well.
we liked each other a lot.
he thought I, and I thought him
to be quite swell.
plans were made
to see each other again.
and the very next day
more plans were made,
so we might see one another
sooner than planned before.
but when tomorrow came
something suddenly interfered
and the plan was cancelled.
no big deal,
or so I thought.
until,
“i’ll call you back in 5 minutes.”
went totally unfulfilled.
my concern was piqued,
as the phone sat silent
cruelly taunting me.
i’m being too sensitive, i thought.
until…
“i’ve moved on so i must say goodbye.”
was all it said.
in an e-mail no less.
rejection clouded my head.
stunned and confused
stabbed in the heart
i was surprised at my reaction
so strong, so hurt
when we’d barely had a start.
there was no explanation.
no sign, no clues.
i don’t know what happened…
i was stunned.
i was confused.
many suggestions rang out
he met someone else
he found your blog
he’s a total jerk…
perhaps all are true.
so that’s the risk of sharing my life
with all of you.
from excited to snubbed
seemingly overnight.
it’s okay. i don’t like it,
but reality happens
people disappoint.
risk is not always followed by reward.
it’s all part of my road, i guess.
recovery in the raw–
sometimes it hurts
sometimes
it’s the best.
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I’m sorry reality happens to all of us. I hope you’re taking care of you today.
yuck. i feel it as if it was me. though there’s no way on earth i could actually really hear this if i was in your place, i’ll say it any way. thank god it didn’t go further and then he did that. it was a clear sign and a quick one that he and you were not meant to be together. lastly, i have a little stickie on my desktop that says simply, ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’. When i read that, i am reminded that i have the ability to try reacting in a totally different way than i have ever done in the past. what if you saw this as–I mean really marinated yourself in the belief that this was just one of those big picture pieces of your total life puzzle and it would be kind of cool to try acting as if it didn’t feel like it meant a damn thing about you. does that make any sense?
I actually seek out people who are facing challenges in their life and overcoming them. (I’m not hitting on you right now)
I want an equal (I have one) and somebody who knows that to learn and grow, you have to stretch, push and explore boundaries.
You did an awesome thing reaching out to let someone in your life. Now you know how to be specific in asking for what you want, right? You want (and deserve) someone who respects and encourages your recovery.
I for one am really happy you are taking the time to share your recovery process with all of us, here and through your website.
Sorry that happened and please stay strong.
And the beautiful thing about revealing yourself to us, is that we will be here, if just to hold a respectful, honest space.
Sometimes things just don’t work out. Maybe he was afraid of making a commitment? Although it was hurtful, I don’t think that it had anything to do with you but more with the type of person he is.
I’m sorry to hear it. Thanks for sharing with us. And I still think you’re brave: to have tried, to feel it, to work through it, to share.
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