There is a Sunday morning meeting in my community that is very popular and that, being like I am, I haven’t attended in many months. But I didn’t have to work today, and I was up this morning, and I thought maybe I’d go.  So I got on my scooter at a quarter to 11 and headed over to the Sunday Spiritual Meeting, only to find that it started at 10.

That’s fine. Really, I should be doing laundry anyway.  But on my way home I stopped at my favorite coffee house for an iced mocha and ran into someone from…

So here I go again…revealing my life to you in hopes that this time I won’t have to write about getting dumped in my next post. Yup, that’s right. I went on a date…again. This dating thing, while exciting, kind of sucks to tell you the truth. I’m too old for this!
I’m too old to get all pretty, hoping to convince a stranger that I’m worth a look. I’m too old to pretend to be interested in uninteresting topics in order to keep a conversation going. I’m too old to smile too much, laugh too long, and stand too tall–whew,…

I have discovered that there is one room in every house that is the nexus of both the spiritual and the corporeal, of cleanliness and filth, of addiction and recovery. That room is the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom.

My husband and I were remarking tonight that at 5 and 7, our children already understand that the bathroom is where you go when you want to be alone. As the only room in the house where a person can feel free to lock the door and spend an extend period in absolute unquestioned privacy, bathrooms are where we become literally and figuratively…

Our family adopted a dog last night, who came with the name Sammy. We decided to call her Sammy Smith, an apt explorers name to compliment our other dog’s name, Marco Polo.

Sammy is an adorable mutt, a unique little hybrid between dachsund and mini pinscher with a painted face. The family here consists of me, my partner and a nine year old that I’m gonna call Lil C.  After some discussion we had decided that Marco could benefit from a canine sidekick, and that we could all handle the added responsibility.

Well, Sammy is gone already. So much for being great…

“The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt…

I remember watching TV when I was about seven or eight and seeing what must have been an after school special in which a character stopped drinking alcohol and got “the DTs.” His eyes bulged in panic as he tried to swat invisible bugs from his arms. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing, and it made me anxious. My father explained that when people drink a lot for a long time and then stop suddenly, they can have hallucinations. And that was my first lesson in withdrawal (see, who said TV doesn’t teach you anything).

When my husband went…

It’s been dark and rainy and dreary where I live. On the other hand, we haven’t had rain since the 4th of July and the earth is soaking it up like a thirsty sponge.

My son has been driving me crazy to buy an iphone. On the other hand, he’s the best kid ever.

My house is filthy. On the other hand, I have a house.

I’ve had more stress in my life than I can handle. On the other hand, who hasn’t?

I’m broke. On the other hand, as of today, my bills are all paid.

Someone I care about relapsed again. On the…

by William Cope Moyers

There is more to addiction than meets the eye.

And to understand how to overcome it often means looking beyond what can be seen readily.

No wonder stigma cloaks the truth about addiction and confusion muddles how to appreciate successful recovery.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Why do you think it is that many addicts seem to have charming personalities that make them so engaging to others? My sister had us all in the palm of her hand. She was a beauty queen, the most popular senior in high school, had boyfriends galore and then a wonderful husband — and all of…

Allen Berger, Ph.D.

Psychologist and Author of 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery

In this article I want to discuss how our culture sets us up for becoming an addict. Before I do it’s important to realize we are all in a trance. We are hypnotized by our culture. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it just is the way things are. It happens in every culture, It has to.

Culture is transmitted through the family. Parents teach children their culture’s world view. This world view is like a filter, it defines what is real and what isn’t, it proscribes…

Last night was really a fantastic DA meeting. It didn’t start off that way. Someone shared at the top of the meeting about one of the things that every consumer goes through but that are problematic for people who spend to change how they feel; the get rich in real estate seminar. Pretty powerful stuff. Other people shared the “opportunities” they had nearly fallen victim to during the week.

It came my time to share and I shared that I had been presented with a real estate opportunity myself; not the “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” workshop my friend bought (then returned),…

My mind races. Often it races at the same brick wall again and again.

I was sitting down at the computer earlier trying to compose a post about something I’m working through in my recovery. My mind was spinning and spinning on the topic, but the right words wouldn’t come. I have learned when that happens that I need to leave that topic and come back to it, but I was feeling like an animal trapped in a cage, desperate. “I have less than half an hour until I have to pick Baby Girl up from school. I have to write something today…

Last night, I listened to a parent talk about anxiety. This wasn’t your usual garden-variety form of hand wringing but a gut-wrenching anxiety that hits in the night and lasts until dawn. The question to the group was “What do you do to alleviate anxiety?” I thought back to those many nights that I would lie awake worrying about my work and the things that I had to do, worrying about my SO and what was going to happen to us, and worrying about my mother who had severe depression. Sometimes I would eventually fall asleep but mostly I would…

My husband said something stupid this morning. He made a joke about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. It was hilarious. Totally.

As soon as he launched the words from his lips, he knew he’d crossed a line. I can’t talk about this stuff very well. In my life, I’ve shared the details of this experience with my husband, my sponsor, and a few dear friends. It’s not a funny story, and it’s not something I’m real comfortable engaging. It hurt me.

One thing that was pleasantly distracting, however, from the pain I was feeling was to observe my husband’s…

the problem with revealing my life to all of you
is when things go badly,
i must reveal that too.

i had a date.
the date went well.
we liked each other a lot.
he thought I, and I thought him
to be quite swell.

plans were made
to see each other again.
and the very next day
more plans were made,
so we might see one another
sooner than planned before.

but when tomorrow came
something suddenly interfered
and the plan was cancelled.
no big deal,
or so I thought.

until,
“i’ll call you back in 5 minutes.”
went totally unfulfilled.
my concern was piqued,
as the phone sat silent
cruelly taunting me.

i’m being too sensitive, i thought.
until…

“i’ve moved on so i must…

I have the day off.  When I have the day off I like to get up slowly, stretching, praying, before I ever get vertical.

When I allow my self to get up slowly the likliehood of having intuitive, meaningful, and useful inspiration to guide me through the day. Today I had that experience, drives me crazy when this happens, of realizing a deeper meaning of one of those things we say all the time:

Don’t make too hard a work out of a simple matter.

Which is exactly what I’ve been doing. Recovering addicts and alcoholics everywhere, from every walk of life, no…

I’ve been talking with my sponsor about the great peacefulness that I’ve been feeling. It is lasting for days now instead of just a few hours that I used to have. My sponsor thinks that the peaceful feeling is due to acceptance and my willingness in the program. So I thought that I’d post some things that I think are indicative of recovery. I’m sure that most of you can think of many more. Just add them if you want to.

You know that you’re recovering when:

1. You get up in the morning and actually look forward to the day

2. You…

As China readied itself for the Olympics, many funny translations began popping up around the country. I particularly liked this one.

We’ll see you after we land, Grandpa!

I last wrote about the Montana Meth Project. While surfing the internet tonight I came across a great blog entry about it. Seems like Montana is actually Big Meth Country….

The blog tells the story of how a rich man made a wise investment! I think the government should direct it’s War on Drugs (Caesar would be embarrassed) money into pro-active campaigns like this one, but bless the independent investor who took it on instead!

A snapshot of article below, but visit methman for the full picture.

“The day that meth walked into our house was the day our life took a spiral,” she…

On this path to recovery, I’ve found myself a much more deliberate person. A good amount of people who’ve known me throughout the era’s have appreciated the change. I appreciate my own new found introspection as well, because my relationships are going a lot more smoothly. Not to mention how rewarding it is to sincerely care about other people, myself, and the fate of our world.

Not too long ago the Dalai Lama offered four days of teachings in Madison, WI. It felt like a blessing that my travels through Madison coincided with his visit-so I went. Of course I went.…

I ran a half-marathon today. What does that have to do with recovery? Well, drinking alcohol doesn’t mix well with running fast. Also, if I were still drinking, I wouldn’t give a crap about racing–(whiny voice) it’s tooooo hard! Racing is challenging, but not necessarily in the way you might think. Today, as in most other races, my biggest competitor was me. Actually, it was my insecure, fearful, negative brain. That’s the brain one is stuck with when depression brain and alcoholic brain combine. Yikes!
So, as usual, I spent most of my race in combat with my brain. It was…

I didn’t see this news item posted anywhere here and some of you might like to know, so I’m posting, in whole, a press release from the Whole Health Campaign (WHC).

For Immediate Release     Contact:          Michelle Dell

August 23, 2008 mdell@stargroup1.com

Joanna Ford

Office: 215-875-4387
Cell: 267-909-4003

jford@stargroup1.com

Office: 215-875-4362

Cell: 215-534-5373

Whole Health Campaign Names 2008 Democratic National Convention the Most “Recovery Friendly” Convention in History

First-Ever Wellness Room Will Be Available at Denver Convention

Denver, CO – For the first time in the history of America’s national party conventions, a Wellness Room will provide peer-support meetings and other recovery support to delegates, guests, and staff at the Democratic National Convention…

POV is a camera direction, not a writing technique. Do not use a POV notation unless the imagery seen from one character’s point of view is distinctly different from the rest of the scene and, more importantly, that difference is integral to the plot.

Don’t let these problems ruin your screenplay - Surviving the Muse

Have you ever looked through a telescope? Or try to drive with one eye closed? Did you notice how everything turns flat? It becomes two dimentional and distance becomes hard to judge? Therein lies a problem: staring monocularly at any situation affords a singular and often useless…

I hear a lot about alcoholic marriages in meetings. Heck, I’ve lived in one for a long time. The amount of pain that comes out in sharings involving alcoholic relationships can sometimes take me right back to all those times when I had so much pain.

Take the meeting yesterday. One of the sharings was from someone in an alcoholic marriage. A couple of young children are the innocent ones. One of the adults is a high roller in business, winer and diner of clients, mostly drunk every day. The other adult accompanies the spouse to the wining and dining. A…

If there’s a word in all the English language that I absolutely hate, it’s the word “excuses.” When I hear that word, I cringe and wave my hands in the air and make inarticulate sounds of dismay — like “Uh ba ba ba!” — to ward off its evil mojo.

It’s not that I resent people making excuses, it’s that I simply don’t find the concept helpful. Excuses are like distracting little invisible sprites, who sit on my shoulders, somehow managing to pinch my ears with their insubstantial fingers in spite of the fact that my attempts to grab them meet…

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance — that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
~ Herbert Spencer

Frankly, I have no idea who he was. I stole that quote from page 570 of Alcoholics Anonymous (3rd edition,) known to drunks worldwide as “The Big Book.” Whoever or whatever ol’ Herb was, he was also a wise man.

I mostly ignored similar concepts for most of my life. I would have told you that I was a liberal, well-educated, philosophically-inclined, hyper-intelligent and…

These are lyrics to a song written by a friend.  I thought they were absolutely great and when I learn the technology to attach them to the music, I’ll put them both together so you can actually HEAR the song. In the meantime, enjoy the lyrics to this awesome message!

Till Next Time-

Your Humble Road Warrior

Bill Wilson is a mean mistreater and Dr. Bob is bad to the bone

Bill Wilson is a mean mistreater and Dr. Bob is bad to the bone

They’ve asked me to clean house. They’re trying to ruin my unhappy home

When I walked into the rooms, after a…

I don’t know what it’s like anywhere else, but around here there are two AAs; one is populated with the middle classes, the other with people who may never be middle class. It’s not a hard and fast rule, of course. There is always overlap in divisions like this, but there is an obvious difference that is apparant to even the most casual observer.

For the most part the people in the first group came from middle class families, graduated from college, own homes, and cars, and have money in the bank. They shop in department stores,. They floss. They eat…

My therapist gave me some homework to do. I’m supposed to make a list of the changes I need to see in my relationship in order for it to work for me.

Every time I try to think about it my mind just shuts down. I quiet myself and try to look inside, but all I feel is a turning away. All my walls go up and my mind floats off to the vanilla ice-cream in the freezer.

I keep saying that I want things to work out, but is that what I really want? Maybe I’m just too angry right now,…