Today I realized two things about myself.

The first realization happened as I was walking to the park with my daughter. I had one of those moments where I flashed back on the hundreds of times we’d walked this route together, especially in summer, on our way to play, picnic or just get some fresh air. It occurred to me that when she was born, one of the most important things I could think of was that I wanted to give her a loving, safe and stable childhood - and I have done that.

It’s been no small accopmlishment either. Our little family has navigated some serious storms in the past six years. But we’ve stayed together, we’ve made a home together, and C is healthy and happy and secure.

I experience a lot of internal strife around the idea that I’m not doing enough, that I should be somewhere farther along in my life’s journey. Today that dropped away for a little while and I felt a real sense of accomplishment, of having met a goal that I set for myself. And I know that if I could reach one goal, I can reach another. Now I just have to figure out what I want the next five years to bring. Ha ha.

The second realization came later this evening. We stayed at the park late, and when I got home everything seemed oppressive: the mess in the kitchen, the grouchy husband, the whiny kid. I was feeling irritable and starting to take it out on whatever was the nearest, most convenient object. And I realized that I needed to go work out. I said in my blog yesterday that I needed to get my butt to the gym today, and I wasn’t kidding.

This is not the first time that I’ve noticed that this certain irritable feeling means that I need to get some exercise. But I’ve tried to deny it before, even to the point of letting it turn into a big fight or an anxiety attack because I’ve got this energy that needs to be spent somehow. But today I’m recognizing it for what it is. This is one of the ways that my body tells me that I need to take care of it by exercising.

I did make it to the gym too. I think I’m still a little sick (there’s been a cold making the rounds the past week or so) because I didn’t feel all awesome when I got off the elliptical machine, but at least the grump is gone. And I made an appointment with a trainer for Thursday - go me!

So then, so much for feeling stalled I suppose. Two ephipanies in one day…not bad at all.