I suck at meditation
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008- (posted by LaRee)
4 responses- Categories: Temporary
Meditation is a suggested tool in my program of recovery. It sounds like a fabulous idea. So I listen intently for instruction. In meetings I hear people chat about “hitting their knees” every morning and every night. I have flashbacks to the movie, A Christmas Story, and entertain a sudden urge to dress in a bunny suit and blurt out, “I want a Red Rider BB Gun!”
Other members discuss their “quiet spaces” where they just listen to their breath and commune with themselves. They report this improves their conscious contact with their higher power. When I try this approach, I find it improves my conscious contact with my anti-anxiety meds. Apparently, I am not a very restful person with whom to commune. Oh well, onward and upward!
Mindfulness is another idea often mentioned. All right! This is a technique in which I have some experience! Mindfulness is a key component of DBT, which is the therapy of choice for borderline personality disorder. Finally, something I thought I’d easily master! Well, I guess I was somewhat successful. “This knife is sharp,” while I mindfully washed my dishes led to a 3-inch gash on my index finger. Note to self: it’s okay to just lightly touch the knife next time!
But that’s just like an alcoholic, isn’t it? All or nothing…do it all the way, or don’t do it at all. So, now I don’t do it at all. I suck at this kind of quiet meditation. It just doesn’t fit for me right now. I despaired about my inability in this area for a long time. Was I doing something wrong? (Another lovely alcoholic trait–we do like to be perfect! ) I’ve since realized my inability is not wrong, and I actually do meditate. I just do it differently.
I practice physically active meditation, and that’s what works in my life. Maybe some day “hitting my knees,” or sitting in my special quiet place, or mindfully washing dishes without slicing off a finger will be tools available in my recovery repertoire. Maybe. But for now, I’ll keep moving. I’ll keep lifting weights. I’ll keep running. I’ll keep hiking with my dog. These aren’t tools often discussed or suggested in meetings, but you know what they say, “Take what you need. Leave the rest.”
Have a great day, and go count some trees!
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I suck at it, too. And like you I find movement helps. I happily justify that by embracing the Buddhist idea of ‘walking meditation’. Good for you for finding what works.
You make me laugh! I tell everyone I practice meditation and even go to a “meditation group” every Tuesday, but I’d rather be out in the woods with my dogs than on a damn cushion. I continue to try and “sit” because I really want to meditate in that way - I just hate it, that’s all. Ha! Thanks for the honesty.
Hey, me, too. When I try to meditate, my mind just talks and talks. I try to clear my mind of all outside influences, and what tends to happen is that I clear my mind of everything except obsessing about my husband. Hah!
For years I struggled with this topic until just recently when a Yogic explained it to me in a simplier term, she said that its ok for my mind to wonder because that is what it is suppose to do so just notice the thoughts and not react to them. Go with the flow and give yourself the gift of 10 minutes a day in quietness.