Five years ago I would not have been invited to participate on this website. I was loud and free with my views and feelings about addiction and recovery, but those views wouldn’t have helped anyone here. Today, those views and feelings couldn’t be more different. I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I’ve matured. I’m grateful.

There is a saying in AA, “We don’t shoot our wounded.” Until a couple days ago, I had never given those words much thought. But something happened. A fellow blogger with Borderline Personality Disorder received more than a couple critical comments on her blog recently. The comments weren’t just critical, they were questioning, suspicious, blaming, shaming, and a bit mean. Ironically, they were made by at least two other women with the same diagnosis, BPD, one of whom accused her of, “(paraphrasing) hurting the cause of mental health awareness and education.” The blogger handled the situation very well and received tons of support, but the comments were crushing and unfair. I found the whole situation quite distressing. Talk about shooting the wounded…

That situation was still on my mind, apparently, as I left my AA meeting Saturday night. I had one of those “aha moments.” What if, I thought, old-timers in AA talked to newcomers or even mid-timers that way? That’s why those comments distressed me so much! What if every time an AA newcomer said something selfish, grandiose or silly, an old-timer shot him down? Had those two women forgotten where they came from? Had they arrived at their current state of Borderline recovery instantaneously? If those of us in recovery spoke critically every time someone with less sobriety told a story or gave an example we found disagreeable, where would AA be today? And isn’t it because we don’t shoot our wounded that we remain a safe environment no matter where one is along their recovery path?

There is compassion in our AA rooms. Once recovered, as these two women clearly considered themselves, they apparently erased their journey. If the journey’s been erased, is compassion possible? I don’t think so. I think, instead, judgement takes its place. In recovery, these commenter’s became no different than the naive family member. They chose to judge rather than help.

This situation reminded me how lucky I am to have found my way. I had BPD. I worked my ass off to recover from BPD, but I have not forgotten my painful path. Recovery required work, and growth, and maturity, and compassion. I cannot forget my past struggles, regardless of what they were, or I risk losing compassion for those that come after me. And without compassion, which I learned in AA, I am useless to myself and others.

May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month. Share your gratitude and compassion with someone today.

etta