Yesterday I was sitting with my dear friend at Starbucks (where else? There’s one on every corner, you know) having a grande, non-fat, chai tea latte and catching up. We both wanted a cigarette and so we ventured out into the cold, damp afternoon and sat at one of the outside tables near the cigarette receptacle provided for people like us. My friend, who is also in recovery, has been fairly successful in her attempt to quit smoking, but when we are together, my addiction to nicotine sometimes causes her to join me for one more nail in our coffin.

Well, as it happens, one of my exercise instructors pulls up on her bike. Now this person is uber- conscious of the environment, and lives one of the most stark, simple lifestyle I have ever witnessed. She weighs about 98 pounds, doesn’t even own a car, and her belongings could fit in a shopping bag. I admire her deeply and wish I could have the discipline, commitment and passion she lives by. However, I do not.

So, my friend is smoking one more cigarette for the road when my teacher comes over to say hello. My friend has been to one or two of her classes and tells her how much she has enjoyed the experience and graciously compliments her. Just a nice exchange of small talk (or so I thought). When I return home I find the following e-mail from my teacher:

“thanku to ur friend blowin her cigarette smoke in my face talkin about spirituality and nature
as long as she does not blow her cigarette smoke on me … . the hell if i am going to go to her land to absorb the……smoke.
i really have an aversion to cigarettes esp those people who pollute my fresh air with the f*!#$@ cigarettes when i am doing everything in my power to be healthy and treat earth nicely”

The addict in me immediately reared it’s cunning head and I started to write back, telling her that my friend was trying to quit smoking and that she didn’t mean anything personal by exhaling tar and nicotine in her presence. Then I had to stop and remember that if I’m not honest and forthcoming about who I am, I’m a dead duck (or a drunk dunk, which would probably lead to being a dead duck). I am a closet smoker when necessary and I do not enjoy polluting the atmosphere because of my addiction, but I am who I am and even though I indulge in the nasty habit of smoking, I am clean and sober today. My sponsor has told me to work on the addictions that will kill me the fastest - and alcohol and drugs come before smoking. I hit the delete button and instead sent her the following message.

“My friend is an amazing woman, regardless of her smoking. She has tried many, many times to quit and has overcome more things than the average person can imagine. And by the way, my dear friend - those were my cigarettes. Sorry they polluted your fresh air. I’ve overcome alcohol, drugs, and a lot of other self-destructive behavior in my life and smoking is my next recovery project. I, too, realize what I am doing to the air others must inhale, and for that I am truly sorry. My recovery is in my time - hopefully the cigarettes will be able to take the same path that the alcohol and drugs have taken.”

I hit the “send” button.

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior