Music flash back
Mar 27, 08- (by Martha Woodroof)
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I was driving back from going out on a story, tired of listening to my book on tape, in the mood for a little vintage rock and roll, punching the radio dials–and, suddenly, there were the Animals singing “We Gotta Get Out of this Place.”
I was right back in 1965, dancing my toes off a huge college parties, arms waving over my head, singing along. Beside me is Tom Spear–a friend of my eventual first husband’s–tall, dark, handsome, drunk out of his mind, singing “we gotta get out of this place” with the fervor of a true believer.
Tom was the only one among us who got out-of-it drunk on a regular basis. He also made horrible anti-gay slurs–said really vicious things about same-sexers–even though in every other area, he exhibited great kindness and empathy.
Ten years later, he was dead. After finally coming out of the closet, he blew his brains out–getting out of what I guess had been a truly hellish place at last.
I think about Tom every time I hear that song. I also think about him whenever I smacked with the realization of how hard society makes it for most of us to be who we are.
To me, sobriety has brought that particular hard time to an end. I’ve gradually passed through self-acceptance into self-comfort. I actually like me–and like most everyone else, as well. That doesn’t mean that both myself and other folks don’t annoy the spit out of me with great regularity, but it does mean I remain fond of us both anyway.
How I wish it had been easier for Tom Spear to be who he was. And I wish those of us who called ourselves his friends had known how to make our shared place one that he hadn’t felt such need to get out of.
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My daughter’s friend came out this year as a freshman in college. This was a kid who was on the football team, hockey team, lacrosse team, etc. A real man’s man. He met my daughter for lunch and introduced her to his boyfriend who attends her college. She called to tell me. Very nonchalant. I am encouraged by her generation and their acceptance. Her friends are from all cultures and backgrounds. This because she is going to a large urban school but she grew up in Mayberry and so it didn’t have to be this way. My understanding it that the boy’s family is taking it hard. I can understand that too. When what you thought was and could be isn’t. I do think the world is changing. We’ve got a woman and a black man as potential contenders for the presidency, and this kid who is accepted by his peers. Makes no difference to my daughter. He is still her friend. Probably even more so now because he has shared with her. Blessings, Kathy
When i came up with the concept for this site, i wanted it to be about the slogan, “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” This is one of those cases. I hope that we can encourage people to ‘come out’ about their addictions, their less-than-perfect behavior, and the fact that they may love someone that society may not approve of. All of these issues contribute to individuals feeling that they don’t fit in and that they need a substance to take them away from their true selves.
Thank you for bringing these two topics together in such a seamless way. As the site grows, I hope we inspire more of these kinds of discussions.
Blessings to all, Melissa,
Executive Director, The Second Road
Music takes me back to all kinds of places. Some are good and some bring up pain. I’m sorry about Tom and the fact that he felt that he didn’t fit enough and had to end his life. I think that today people are generally more accepting. And I like that there is a black man and a woman running for President. What a great thing.