Helping others . . .
Monday, November 24th, 2008- (by Martha)
- 5 responses
- Category: Uncategorized
The meeting topic was responsibility. And, kind of an aside, the guy chairing asked us to think about when does responsibility tip over into ego gratification–at what point are we in danger of helping others mostly so as to be able to feel better about ourselves.
This is, I think, one of the program’s slipperiest slopes. We are all so into helping each other out, sharing our experiences, hopes, and strengths. With the best of intentions, it’s so easy to leave “this worked for me” behind in favor of “this is what I think you should do.” One is program; the other is advice. Which is not a bad thing, it’s just a different thing.
So here’s what I’ve decided is the line I’m going to try not to cross. The truth is I’ve been sober for quite a long time, and so have a lot experiences to offer other folks in recovery that might actually be useful. I think I cross the line into helping others in order to feel good myself, however, whenever I offer those experiences with an expectation of how the person I’m talking to should respond. In other words, I need to offer what I offer just to pass it on, and not to get something back.
Does that make sense?
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Makes perfect sense to me. No matter what subject matter I’m talking about, Domestic Abuse, or sobriety. I try to make it clear this is my story, this is how I managed to survive, this is what I did. I think that constant surprise I get when someone tells me, I learned something or I got something from what you shared…is telling me I hadn’t expected anything in return.
Does it help to share that part of us. Yeah, it does. It’s also keeping in mind, what worked for us, may not necessarily work for someone else. (Hugs)Indigo
makes perfect sense. to me. struggling with co-dependency too. this is exactly what i should be asking myself…
My Golden Rule is “never give advice unless it’s asked for” and it seldom is. However when I relate an experience to how it affected my life it seems to carry a lot of weight. It’s a powerful tool and especially with family.
it makes complete sense to me…when we are truly helping hopefully we are releasing others…in the other case we are dictating to them and bonding them to us…great post. congrats on the POTD mention.
It does make sense to me. I do think there is a fine line between these two things. I don’t think we are always aware that we are helping someone else with the intention of making ourselves feel better about ourselves. Sometimes we do it intentionally but I don’t think that always means that we have ill intentions…sometimes we just have this driven need to feel better about ourselves. It’s when we become aware of doing this that we need to take a look and make changes. I am sure you have a lot of wisdom to share with people and it takes skill to learn how to give freely without expecting a certain result from our giving or helping. Giving without strings attached is hard for many of us!