I re-read my own last post . . .
Wednesday, June 18th, 2008- (by Martha)
- 4 responses
- Category: Uncategorized
and decided that I sound just too-too spiritual and perfect sounding. In fact, I thought I sounded like the kind of person I wouldn’t enjoy lunching with at all.
So I feel a burning desire to make one thing clear about my personal code of conduct (that’s the title of my last post). It’s very much about the way I act, not about the way I necessarily feel.
In other words, sobriety hasn’t turned me into a saint who always feels kindly toward everyone else on the planet. I’m still annoyed with people about 50 percent of the time. What sobriety has done is given me pretty formidable self-control. I’ve learned not to let my feelings lead my behavior around by the nose. It’s made me want not to damage other people ever again–verbally, physically, spiritually, socially, whatever-ly. And it’s made me want it enough so that I just don’t do it–no matter how irritated I am with someone.
I did enough of that when I was drinking and using.
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I’m counting on you being the kind of person I’d enjoy having lunch with because we’ll be doing just that in less than two weeks….can’t wait.
One of the best things I’ve heard in the rooms is “You can’t control your first thougt…but you can certainly control your second thought and your first action.”
(Then, on that same topic, there was the angry newcomer who yelled out to the old-timer: “You sure don’t walk like you talk.” to which the oldster answered, “That may be so…but you’d better be glad that I don’t walk like I THINK.”)
I appreciate that. What sobriety has given me is the ability to actually strive towards that code of conduct. To know in my heart of hearts its possible. That I won’t get there every day, or every moment. But knowing that I deserve it, actually feeling that I do is something new to me, so acting as if….is something I’ve always done but at least now I’ve acting as if on a higher plane. I was listening to a Joe and Charlie Big Book study and they said in becoming willing to be rid of you defects you must behave the opposite. It takes practice but practice makes progress.
ps…love ginnies story
My goal is to act and feel the same way–to not have duality but a monotheism of myself.
A former mentor used to say that a gentleman never causes another unnecessary pain. There is a loophole there big enough to drive a lorry through, but it is a good idea to keep in mind, nonetheless.
I have finally realized that the essence of human interaction is keeping the other person comfortable. In my using career and early days in sobriety, if I committed a gaffe I would blame it on you: you must have misunderstood, and so forth. As I have gotten softer and kinder I have learned to admit my part in most things. And there is always a “my part.” It may have been a turn of phrase, a raised eyebrow…but there is always something I contribute to the strife. Realizing that has been one of the most useful things to come from my journey, and it makes it far easier to apologize when needed.
Sometimes it is hard not to sound stuffy when trying to explain things emotional without actually feeling the emotion at that time. You do well, Ms. Woodroof — whatever the venue. Thank you.