The past, again
Thursday, April 17th, 2008- (by Martha)
- 6 responses
- Category: Uncategorized
I had to give a talk last night in a town where I lived when both my drinking and my head were beginning to go bad. It’s a place that I cannot drive through without finding off a sense of hovering unease.
But it was also while I was living in this town that I made the switch from television to radio, and so “came home” professionally. It’s where I was when I first began freelancing for NPR–long before I knew what I was doing, of course, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me. Lack of chutzpah has never been my problem.
I talked about all this last night–as well as about some of the stories I did when I was there; specifically one on rock-climbing and another on the actor, Paul Newman, as a race car driver. And it came to me that while I was warming up to be a full-blown, drunken nut case, I was also doing some really, really good work.
It strikes me that sobriety is not just about making amends for the damage we do; it’s also about retrieving our self-respect and our sense of self-worth. It’s important for me to recognize that even when I was heading off the rails–even when I was off the rails completely–I wasn’t all bad, and I didn’t do all bad things.
Sobriety, I think, is first and foremost about getting really, really real about ourselves. And then getting comfortable with that realness. In our pasts, as well as in our right nows.
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Hello darling. Tag. YOu’re it.
Thanks for your kind comment today. I agree that I did some good stuff back in the day. I sure am a lot more capable of it now though.
beautifully said. i need to remember this! thank you!
Hi Martha,
The places I used to drink are all over the place, not in pubs or anything but in woods at the side of the river bank, in a local stone quarry, in fact I spotted a few of my old rusting cans almost disintigrated the other week.
Sometimes I feel the past call me, but mostly its bad memories, I went so low that its simply pure gratitude that keeps my head now.
Have a good weekend Martha, see u on monday
We do all kinds of good things along the way. But now I’m much more alive in my spirit than I was when I was terribly unhappy. Life is just sweeter now.
A wonderful post. My sponsor taught me to look back and revel in the good things I did, as well as acknowledge the bad. I finally came to realize that “it” wasn’t ALL MY FAULT and it helped a lot. Have you heard the expression…”Alcohol taught me how to fly, and then it took away the sky”… that’s how it was for me.