I’m a woman who’s been Twelve Stepping for almost two decades. Honesty is right at the core of my recovery.

Before Recovery, it took me a long time to realize that what I’d made up and called “my life” wasn’t really all that much fun. After I entered Recovery, it still took me years to peel back the layers of dicey explanations I’d used to excuse all those screwy things I’d done that hadn’t worked, and that hadn’t make me, or anyone else, happy. The first thing I had to recognize was the fact that I’d been a spin-doctor for years. And why not? I had a self-image to maintain — culturally, intellectually, emotionally — that often conflicted with reality. So, even though I didn’t lie all that much to the rest of the world, I lied to myself a lot. I also had an ingrained habit of unconsciously blaming circumstances or other people for actions of mine that I wasn’t comfortable with. So when I eventually ran into Step One, being honest with myself about myself was about as foreign to me as being a man. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. With being a man, I that is.

I’m still Stepping, still Recovering, but good golly! real life is so much more fun than the La-La Land I used to inhabit.